That’s how we roll…and taking one for the team

I spent my first evening with the Chinese Mafia last night. Thanks to Serena’s love for talking to all kinds of people in Cantonese, she and Ranjana have made a few shady friends at Bar Bar, their local hangout. These men run a gambling business and know everything that goes in their hood. At the center of attention is an old man whom all the men call “Grandfather.” While I don’t think the word “mafia” or “mob” has been tossed around, it adds up! This friendship lets us drink at Bar Bar for free, so my mind never dwelt too much upon it until last night.

The man whom Serena has dubbed “Trey” (as a good gangster name) paid in advance for a table at a swank bar and basically told her that she and Ranjana had to go with him. Despite my misgivings over spending an all-expenses paid evening with the Chinese mob, I joined the group at the last minute. With the confidence that we were in connected hands, we rolled into the bar. When the bouncer tried to block me, Trey brushed him aside and pulled me into the lobby with a “she’s with me” moment. I won’t lie, that moment was pretty cool.

Once inside, the lights flashed, the drinks flowed, and the prices on the menu made my eyes widen. You know the bar’s swank when even the toilet stall has mirrors on each wall and a cleaning lady stays in the restroom at all times (typical of China, even with such a fancy restroom, the toilets were still holes in the ground). I wondered aloud what Trey and his crony got in return for paying for all of this. Serena says that they just like hanging out with Westerners, even if they can’t understand what we say. I tried to believe that, but later I found out that in my case, all this “generosity” means that I have to be “nice” to ugly Chinese men. Some people got off easy – I did not!

Trey’s oldish crony decided to attach himself to me. His face could never have been attractive, even when he was younger. He kept trying to hold my hand, and Amelia, who speaks some Chinese, told me that “he likes me.” This is too middle school for words. She told him that I don’t like him in return, but this didn’t discourage him. When our group relocated to Bar Bar, the crony made me sit at a table with him and other ugly Chinese men. I kept trying to get away from him, but Serena told me I should be nice, because he was one Bar Bar’s owners. Since he doesn’t speak English, this meant that I had to sit next to him and ganbei (bottoms up!) with his friends. His dedication was so humorous! We would have made a good silent-movie about a man smitten with a disinterested lady. I absent-mindedly opened some peanuts very slowly while talking with Alison, and he suddenly poured several already shelled peanuts into my hand – Alison called that gesture true dedication. At one point, out of nowhere, he said, “I love you!” and kissed me on the cheek. Later, when Phong noticed me trying to ignore the dude as he kept trying to pull me towards him, he protested, “You can’t make him angry – he’s the mob. These people are CONNECTED!”

Despite his “mob” status, I don’t think he meant any harm. However, once everyone started sitting outside, I finally had enough of being “nice” to sketchy, old people. The crony offered to drive me home, but I wouldn’t have it. No, no, no. Alison helped me hail a taxi, and I went home annoyed that I had put up with such nonsense. It was completely unnecessary and goes against all my principles of independence and frankness. Oh, Bar Bar.